


Save the Last Dance for Me

by Liji



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Coming Out, Confessions, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Genderfluid Character, Genderfluid Sugawara Koushi, Love Confessions, M/M, Other, That's the only reason this exists, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, datemates, demisexual daichi, i just really wanted to write suga in a skirt dancing to britney spears, pure self-indulgence, talking about feelings, with a touch of daisuga
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-28
Updated: 2016-05-28
Packaged: 2018-07-10 19:57:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7004308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Liji/pseuds/Liji
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sugawara Koushi is used to being in the background.  When their dance videos gain popularity on YouTube, Suga can't help but enjoy the spotlight, all while hoping no one they know finds out.  While the dancing was "normal" enough, Suga knows most boys their age don't like to wear skirts.  So they keep their genderfluidity a secret, but nothing on the Internet can stay a secret for long, especially not from their best friend.</p>
<p>In which Suga forgets to clear their browser history and Daichi can be a little clueless.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Save the Last Dance for Me

**Author's Note:**

> This is total self-indulgence. I just really wanted to write genderfluid!Suga and, well, you can't write Suga without also writing Daichi. And although Suga acts like they wear skirts because they're genderfluid, they actually wear skirts because skirts are amazing (seriously, they give you so much more freedom to move) and everyone should wear them, regardless of gender.

_ My loneliness is killing me _

 

Shake hair.  Lips parted.  Hands moving down hips

 

_ I must confess I still believe _

 

Hand crossed behind back.  Slight sultry eyes. 

 

_ When I’m not with you, I lose my mind _

 

Hands up quickly.  Knees bend.

 

_ Give me a sign _

 

Lips in a pout.  Hips forward.

 

_ Hit me baby, one more time! _

 

Hands down, feet tap.  Head shakes.  Hips move.

 

Dancing, Suga had found, was great exercise and a good way of dispelling the nervous energy that tended to build up in their body.  It had started as a hobby when no one was watching, a twirl and kick when they were alone in their room, and had grown into a YouTube channel with thousands of comments and views.  Sometimes the comments were cruel, calling them disgusting slurs and reminding them of all the hatred in the world.  For everyone one of those, there were two reminding Suga that they looked sexy as hell in a skirt and had killer dance moves.  They had tried to not let it get to their ego, but Suga wasn’t use to being in the spotlight.  The praise and the ever growing number of viewers felt good.  They just hoped nobody they knew would find it.

 

Suga thought they heard a bang and quickly shut off the music.  They had probably imagined it, but it was better to not take the chance. They decided to just let the video camera keep recording, since they could just delete this ruined video later. 

 

“Yes?” Suga called out worriedly, but not really expecting a reply.  This was an old house, it wouldn’t be strange for it to make noise sometimes.  They were probably just being paranoid.

 

Instead, a deep masculine voice greeted him.

 

“Suga, can I come in?”

 

_ No, no, no.  What was Daichi doing here?  Why now? _

 

“Just give me a minute!” They called frantically, pulling off their skirt and kicking it under their bed, pulling on nearby pair of jeans.  Suga figured their shirt, a blue tank top, was safe enough.  

 

Suga opened the door to see Daichi carrying a stack of papers with his eyebrows raised.  Suga leaned against the doorway, and tried to catch their breath again.  They knew their face was flushed from the exercise.

 

“Hi Daichi,” Suga tried to chirp happily, trying to use their normal tone and slow their pounding heart.  What if Daichi had opened the door without knocking?  “What brings you here?  And, uh, how did you even get in here?”

 

“You weren’t answering the door and I figured we were good enough friends that I could just use the key under the doormat.  And history homework, but I can leave if I’m interrupting something,” he remarked dryly with a single eyebrow raised.  

 

“What could you possibly be interrupting?” Suga asked with a nervous laugh.  Daichi sent a pointed look down at their crotch, something that may have given them quickly quashed hope one day but only freaked them out now.  Suga glanced down, and sure enough, their zipper was undone and pale blue underwear (panties, though there was no way Daichi would be able to tell) peeked out.  Well, shit.  They should have checked that before opening the door.

 

Suga felt their already flushed face grow even darker.  It wasn’t difficult to see the conclusion Daichi had drawn from the situation.  Flushed, out of breath, pants undone, and previously playing loud music?   They would have assumed the same thing.

 

“I wasn’t, you know, doing that!” They squeaked out nervously.  “I was just, uh, working out!”

 

“In jeans?” Daichi asked in amusement.  Suga waved their hands around frantically.

 

“Y-yeah, I was, um, doing push ups and arm stretches.  To, you know, improve my setting ability.”

 

Daichi laughed, obviously more at ease than Suga.

 

“You don’t know have to lie to me, you know.  We’re both single teenage boys.  How else are we supposed to, ah, get some release?”

 

There the word was again.  _ Boy.   _ Maybe what Daichi thought was better than the truth.

 

“Lie to you?  Why, your accusation pains me,” Suga said dramatically, attempting to reduce the tension.  And, of course, keep themself from shaking.  “I seriously wasn’t- you know what, never mind.  Come on in, I have the homework on my desk.”

 

Daichi snorted in the undignified way he only showed Suga.  

 

“I hope you know something about the history of Japan, because I have no idea how to answer any of these questions,” Daichi said easily, striding into Suga’s room with the ease of someone who had been there many times before.  He sat on Suga’s bed while Suga booted up their laptop.  

 

“That’s what the Internet’s for,” Suga said cheerily, pulling up Google.  “You can start looking for answers, and I can go get us a snack.”

 

Daichi looked at him with wide eyes.

 

“What did I do to deserve this angel in my life?” He asked mournfully.  Suga rolled their eyes at him on their way at the door.

 

“Oh, hush.  Flattery will not get you extra hot chocolate,” they called as they shut the door.  It was a bit of a tradition for the two of them to try and outdo each other making hot chocolate whenever they were together.  Last time, Daichi had added a candy cane, so Suga needed to come up with something better than that.

 

It was seven minutes later Suga kicked open their bedroom door again, with a mug of hot chocolate with chocolate sprinkles in each hand and a plate of cookies balanced between their elbows.

 

“You’re lucky my parents went grocery shopping yesterday,” Suga told Daichi, carefully setting the plate down on the bed.  “What are you watching?  It better be about the history of Japan.”

 

“Not exactly,” Daichi said quietly, moving aside so Suga could see the screen.  “Suga?”

 

On screen was a relatively unknown YouTube video.  Suga watched themself dance onscreen, clad in nothing but a cheerleading skirt and halter top.  They remembered this video.  It was one of their latest, a dance video for an upbeat American pop song.  Horror pooled in their gut as they watched themself move their hips and eye the camera seductively on screen, only to finish the song with a hair toss and curtsy.  As the last few bars of the song faded away, Suga felt reality come rushing back to them and accidentally dropped the two mugs.

 

“Suga!” Daichi cried with alarm, diving forward with the instincts of a volleyball player and righting the two mugs before much of the liquid spilled out.  “Is everything- are you okay?”

 

“Wh-where did you find that?” They asked in a horrified whisper.  Daichi shook his head worriedly, reaching out to touch Suga’s shoulder.  Suga stepped back.

 

“I found a page with all the answers, but then the browser crashed, so I opened it up again and went into search history to find it again but then something else caught my eye.  I’m so sorry Suga, it was an invasion of privacy and totally not okay.  But, um, I guess I just want you to know I’m cool with it?”

 

“Cool with what, Daichi?” Suga asked dazedly.  No, no, no, this could not be happening.

 

Daichi shifted uncomfortably and averted his eyes.

 

“Like, the whole you dressing in drag thing.  I don’t really get it, but it’s your decision and you’re my best friend.  I’ll support you no matter what.”

 

Tears prickled at the corners of Suga’s eyes.  This was too much.  With a gut wrenching sob, they threw themself at Daichi and sobbed unashamedly into his shoulder.  Suga felt Daichi stiffen underneath him, but relax after a moment and hug them back, rubbing circles into their shoulder and making soothing noises.  They felt momentary embarrassment at how hysterical they must be appearing, but quickly dismissed it.  Anyone would be hysterical, right?

 

“It’s okay, Suga.  You’re still my best friend.  You always will be,” he muttered quietly.  This just made Suga cry harder.  They buried their face into Daichi’s shirt and took in the smell of deodorant and laundry detergent and that faint cedar smell that was just so  _ Daichi _ .

 

“Can you just explain to me what’s going on?” Daichi asked gently.  Suga took a breath and leaned back, nodding.  They wiped their eyes with the back of their hand and took one more deep, calming breath.  “Like, is it just to get more views?”

 

Suga’s gut clenched.  That’s exactly what they were so afraid of.  They were afraid of being accused that their gender identity was only for attention.  Like it wasn’t something they had battled and struggled with.  Like it was somehow less valid than a cis identity.

 

“N-no, of course not,” Suga got out, nervously tugging at their fingers.  “I’m, um, genderqueer.  Genderfluid, to be exact.”

 

Daichi looked at them with wide brown eyes.

 

“I have no idea what either of those words mean,” he confessed.  Suga laughed quietly and rolled their eyes.

 

“Well, um, how do you know that you’re a boy?” Suga asked.

 

“Um, obviously I’m a man,” Daichi quipped, getting a slight snort from Suga.  “But uh, I guess I just sort of do?”

 

“I never had that certainty,” Suga explained with a hiccup.  “In junior high, I wondered if I was a girl trapped in a boy’s body.  That was back before I knew any of the terms or labels.  It’s not like we’re ever taught this stuff.  So, like we do now with everything we don’t know, I turned to the Internet.  I realized there are whole communities of people like me, people who don’t exist inside the gender binary.  People who don’t identify as a boy or girl.  It’s called being genderqueer.  Genderqueer people can have no gender, more than one gender, fluctuate, and everything in between.  Personally, I fluctuate.  I’m genderfluid.  My gender, or lack thereof, changes and fluctuates over time.”

 

Daichi had sat quietly through the whole teary explanation.  He nodded hesitantly.

 

“I think that makes sense.  It’s just, um, new.  So how do you know what gender you are every day?” Daichi asked curiously.  Suga’s eyes and cheeks were beginning to dry, and they began to smile a little.  It felt so good to finally talk about it.

 

“It’s like there’s a compass in my chest that points somewhere on the gender spectrum, and it changes periodically.  I made a scale to help me understand it.  On a scale of one to five, one is very feminine, five is very masculine, and three is neutral.  Every morning I ask myself what my number is today.  Sometimes I’ll be the same number for a week, and sometimes it will change every day.  Sometimes it changes in the middle of the day.  And I end up feeling dysphoric on days where I’m feeling more feminine or neutral.   It really hurts to hear people call me a “he” on those days.”

 

Daichi nodded at Suga and hesitantly reached out a hand, letting it rest against Suga’s own hand.

 

“I have three questions, if that’s okay,” he asked quietly.  Suga just nodded encouragingly.

 

“One, does your sexual orientation change with your gender?”

 

Suga drew in a quick breath.  Sexual orientation wasn’t something they’d ever talked about before.  Suga had always known Daichi thought they were gay, and he had never discussed girls in front of them because of that.  Neither of them had either addressed it though.

 

“No, it doesn’t.  Sexual orientation and gender identity are two different things.  Sometimes I identify as a straight girl, sometimes as a gay guy, and sometimes as a person who just doesn’t like boobs.”

 

“Is there a special guy in your life then, Suga?” Daichi asked with a slight eyebrow waggle.  Suga sighed and lightly punched him.

 

“No, of course not.  You’d know if there was.”

 

“Glad to hear that.  Okay, next question.  What should I call you instead of “he”?”

 

“You mean my preferred pronouns?  Well, um, it would be nice if you would refer to me with they/them pronouns,” Suga asked hesitantly.  It was the first time they’d ever told someone of their pronoun preference outside of the Internet.

 

“Okay, cool, I can do that.  It might take some getting used to, but I’ll learn to do that.  And if you ever identify strongly as a boy or girl and you want gendered pronouns, just tell me and I’ll use those until you don’t want me to anymore.”

 

Suga felt their eyes tearing up again.  They had really lucked out in the best friend department.  They sniffled and gave Daichi a watery smile, wiping their eyes again.

 

“You have no idea how much that means to me,” they whispered.  Daichi smiled.

 

“I’m just really glad you told me.  Oh right, last question.  Where did you learn to dance like that?”

 

Suga let out and undignified snort and tried to punch Daichi again half-heartedly.

 

“Oh please, I’m not that good.  I just kind of make up a routine of what feels right.”

 

Daichi shook his head disbelievingly.

 

“You looked incredible dancing.  Like you knew exactly what you were doing, and your movements were very fluid and graceful.  The skirt looked good on you too.”

 

“Oh, shut up,” Suga said half-heartedly.  “My mom saw it and I told her I bought it for my cousin, so she’s expecting me to give Naomi a skirt now.”

 

Daichi laughed loudly, setting them both at ease.

 

“Where is it now?” He asked cheekily.  Suga blushed and hopped off the bed, crouching down so they could see where they’d kicked it under the bed.  They presented to Daichi with an embarrassed laugh.

 

“I, uh, may have been recording a new dance video when you knocked and had to quickly change into jeans,” Suga admitted.  Daichi processed that and blushed a bright crimson color, looking like he’d rather be anywhere but there.

 

“And, oh God, I assumed you’d been jacking off.  I said something stupid too, didn’t I?  Something about us being single teenage boys who needed the release.  Shit, I called you a boy then.  I’m really sorry about that.  And sorry for, um, making assumptions.”

 

Suga laughed loudly at Daichi.

 

“My, my Daichi, seems like your mind is more in the gutter than I thought.  What else do you hide from me?” Suga teased him. They were surprised to see Daichi’s expression turn determined in response to their teasing tone.  It was the same expression he wore before every match, showing determination and a firm resolution, with some concealed anxiety.

 

“I’m demisexual,” he announced.  Suga blinked.

 

“Wait, what?”

 

Daichi shifted uncomfortably and glanced at the floor.

 

“I’m demisexual.  I’m attracted to people only after I’ve formed a strong emotional bond with them.  So I guess I only rarely experience attraction.”

 

“Oh, okay,” Suga replied.  “Honestly, I’m surprised you know that word.”

 

Daichi gave him a flat stare, before a smile twitched on his lips.

 

“Yeah, well, Yui taught it to me.”

 

Suga laughed again.

 

“Why am I not surprised?  So, uh, how did you figure that out?”

 

Daichi began fidgeting again, a habit he only developed when he was very, very nervous.

 

“Well, there’s this… person I’ve been into for a long time.  I never really was interested in anyone until I met them.  Only I’ve been too afraid to tell them my feelings.”

 

Suga felt their heart rate pick up, and mentally scolded themself.  Daichi could be talking about a lot of people.  He had a bond with Yui, maybe it was her.  

 

“Oh, okay,” Suga said,  trying to keep their tone neutral.  “And, well, I think you should tell them how you feel.  If they already have an emotional bond with you, it’s more likely they may like you back.  So, um, I think you should take a risk and tell them.”

 

Daichi looked at them for a long moment, before laughing quietly and smiling.

 

“You always know what to say, don’t you?” Daichi said.  Suga smiled nervously.

 

“Not like you do, Captain.  So, uh, can I ask who the lucky person is?” Suga asked hesitantly.  Daichi sighed.

 

“But you already know, don’t you?”

 

Suga licked their lips nervously and shifted, leaning forward.

 

“Maybe so, but I need to hear you say it,” they said quietly.

 

“Except actions speak louder than words, right?” Daichi whispered back, and finally closed the distance between them.  Suga only had a moment to giggle about the sappiness of that line before chapped lips met soft ones, and Suga let out a little squeak of surprise before pulling Daichi closer to them, tangling their soft setter’s hands in his hair.  Daichi smiled against Suga’s lips and wrapped his arms around their neck.  Suga pushed Daichi back so they were lying on top of him, feeling his heartbeat pound against their own.  They kissed greedily and desperately, hands trying to map the other’s body when Suga pulled back suddenly.

 

“Suga?” Daichi asked uncertainty, dazedly.  Suga smiled at him.

 

“I still haven’t heard you say it,” they whispered, undoing the buttons on Daichi’s shirt.  “Is this okay?”

 

Suga asked this tentatively before gently kissing Daichi’s neck, covering his neck and shoulders with kisses.  Soft kisses turned into gentle sucking and then biting, causing Daichi to moan slightly and throw his head back, giving Suga more access.

 

“Suga, I love you,” he said breathily.  Suga paused their biting and looked up at Daichi with embarrassing tears in their eyes.

 

“I’ve waited for you to say that for so long.  I love you too,” they said softly, rolling off of the boy so they could lay next to each other.

 

“This still seems so unbelievable,” Daichi said quietly.  “I came here to do homework and ended up with a…” He paused, unsure of what to say.

 

“Datemate,” Suga supplied helpfully.  “I’m your datemate.  If you want me to be.”

 

Daichi laughed.

 

“Datemate.  I like that.  You’re my datemate, and I’m your boyfriend,” he said.  

 

“This all seems so surreal.  Not long ago I was filming a dance video, terrified that someone would find out my secret,” Suga said, when their eyes opened wide.  “Shit!”

 

“What?” Daichi asked in alarm.  “What’s wrong?”

 

Suga rolled over and stood up, walking over to the camera.

 

“It’s still filming!” Suga muttered, irritated.  They hit the power button and heard Daichi’s laughter behind them.

 

“So you have my confession recorded then?  And everything that happened after?” He asked.  Suga laughed sheepishly.

 

“I guess it isn’t such a bad thing,” they admitted.  The slam of a door made both of them jump.

 

“‘Is your mom home?” Daichi asked, sitting up quickly.

 

“Either her or my sister, hurry and button your shirt up!” Suga hissed.  Daichi quickly did up the buttons on his shirt and dug out his phone, trying to look casually.  Suga quickly returned to their homework, clicking out of the video and searching the first question.  They both tensed up when they heard footsteps in the hallway, followed by a loud knock on the door.  

 

“Come in!” Suga called.  A younger high school girl wearing a basketball jersey stood in the doorway, drinking a carton of juice.

 

“Oh hey, Sawamura-kun!” She said cheerfully.  “Hey Koushi, did mom make anything for dinner?”

 

“Hi Misaki,” Suga replied.  “Nope, she just left a note saying she’d be working late at the hospital and we should make ourselves some ramen.”

 

“Oh, okay,” Misaki replied disappointedly.  She was staring oddly at Daichi.  “Hey Sawamura-kun, did you finally get a girlfriend?”

 

Daichi’s mouth fell open in surprise, fear momentarily crossing his features.

 

“Huh?”

 

Misaki laughed and gestured toward her own neck.

 

“You, ah, have something right there,” she said.  Suga looked over and felt their stomach clench.  Daichi’s neck had several clearly fresh hickeys that they had left only a few minutes ago.  Daichi must have realized what she meant and blushed darkly, laughing nervously.

 

“Sort of.  They’re only my girlfriend some of the time.  Kind of an on again off again girlfriend,” Daichi told her, glancing at Suga.  Suga tried to hold in their laughter.  He wasn’t _ lying _ .

 

“Well, I hope you two are happy together,” Misaki said with a frown.  “Although she doesn’t seem like she’s very good for you.  If only Suga could find a girlfriend now.”

 

Suga laughed awkwardly.

 

“Misaki, don’t you have homework to do instead of trying to embarrass me?”

 

Misaki grinned at him and laughed.

 

“Yeah, I do.  Well, congratulations, Sawamura-kun.  Step up your game, Koushi,” she called over her shoulder, closing the door behind her.  When the sound of footsteps disappeared, Daichi and Suga looked at each other and burst out laughing.

 

“Oh my God, I can’t believe you said that,” Suga choked out in their laughter.  

 

“I was just telling the truth.  Sometimes I have girlfriend who looks very sexy in a skirt,” he said with a smirk.  Suga blushed and half-heartedly swatted at him.

 

“And I have a boyfriend that everyone will know is mine, because he isn’t wearing a collared shirt,” they said with a laugh.  Daichi pointed at them.

 

“I’m blaming you for that,” he said, fake annoyance lacing his tone.  He checked his phone again and scowled. “Ugh, my parents want me home. Sorry, but I think I have to leave.”

 

Suga waved their hand.

 

“It’s okay, you still have to do the homework after all.  Would you, um, like to come over tomorrow?”

 

Daichi smiled and picked up the homework.

 

“I’d love that.  I’ll see you tomorrow,” he said cheerfully, smiling and making Suga’s heart expand to twice its size.  He waved and shut the door behind him.  Suga listened to his footsteps become quieter as he walked away, when they suddenly grew louder and the door opened.

 

“What-” Suga started but Daichi cut him off.

 

“I almost forgot something,” he said, crossing the room.  He leaned forward and pressed a quick kiss to Suga’s lips.  “I really like you, Suga.”

 

“You’re pretty cute yourself,” Suga replied dazedly, but Daichi had already left.  That was okay, though.  They still had tomorrow together, and the day after, and the day after.  

 

Suga fell onto their bed and spent the next ten minutes screaming into their pillow.


End file.
